Comments on: Kidnapped by a parent in India http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/ Thu, 09 Sep 2010 01:33:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 By: dora http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-36786 dora Sun, 27 Jun 2010 03:27:33 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-36786 Lekhini seems mentally sick. Problems does arise in any relationship and one needs to look for the solution rather than dissolution. The words that you are using ABUSIVE HAPPINESS...whatever are all relative terms. You are viewing the world with your spectacles. India has 5000 yrs of time tested tradition and culture. You are miniscule pygmy to criticise it. Tradition and culture evolves by shedding away the expired practices and adopting new one. It doesn't mean that we need to go against the natural instincts and duties. Indian tradition evolves on the basis of what nature has given to us. Do not try to disturb it with senseless laws. Lekhini seems mentally sick. Problems does arise in any relationship and one needs to look for the solution rather than dissolution. The words that you are using ABUSIVE HAPPINESS…whatever are all relative terms. You are viewing the world with your spectacles. India has 5000 yrs of time tested tradition and culture. You are miniscule pygmy to criticise it. Tradition and culture evolves by shedding away the expired practices and adopting new one. It doesn’t mean that we need to go against the natural instincts and duties. Indian tradition evolves on the basis of what nature has given to us. Do not try to disturb it with senseless laws.

]]> By: Shefaly http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3580 Shefaly Thu, 31 Dec 2009 23:18:07 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3580 Lekhni: If the wife is not financially independent, and does not have money to hire attorneys etc, and then takes the child away to India, the child is effectively being used as a "bargaining chip". It is not unusual in custody battles for the courts to order payment of costs of the other side as well as maintenance payments. I don't see how the mother's behaviour re the child is to be seen any different from or nobler than the father's. Lekhni: If the wife is not financially independent, and does not have money to hire attorneys etc, and then takes the child away to India, the child is effectively being used as a “bargaining chip”. It is not unusual in custody battles for the courts to order payment of costs of the other side as well as maintenance payments. I don’t see how the mother’s behaviour re the child is to be seen any different from or nobler than the father’s.

]]> By: Shefaly http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3579 Shefaly Thu, 31 Dec 2009 23:13:43 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3579 Lekhni: I think your assumption that the marriage was abusive towards the wife is a bit unfair. If the father's decision to get his child abducted is a sign of aggression, as you mention to someone in a reply above, what would you call the mother's behaviour? Surely that is hardly the behaviour of a helpless victim but rather of a bold woman who decides something and goes ahead and does it! How do we know who is to blame? Gone are the days when men were oppressors and women were sufferers. Crime and violence statistics of various kinds show that women are fast catching up with men. In a recent case I read about in India just last week, a judge ordered a couple to sort their custody issues in UK courts, because at the time of the start of the custody battle they were resident in the UK. It may not be precedent-setting in the USA but is definitely precedent-setting in India. See: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8407512.stm Lekhni: I think your assumption that the marriage was abusive towards the wife is a bit unfair. If the father’s decision to get his child abducted is a sign of aggression, as you mention to someone in a reply above, what would you call the mother’s behaviour? Surely that is hardly the behaviour of a helpless victim but rather of a bold woman who decides something and goes ahead and does it! How do we know who is to blame? Gone are the days when men were oppressors and women were sufferers. Crime and violence statistics of various kinds show that women are fast catching up with men.

In a recent case I read about in India just last week, a judge ordered a couple to sort their custody issues in UK courts, because at the time of the start of the custody battle they were resident in the UK. It may not be precedent-setting in the USA but is definitely precedent-setting in India. See: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8407512.stm

]]> By: Gaming Night is a great way to bond. | Parenting Help in Michigan http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3578 Gaming Night is a great way to bond. | Parenting Help in Michigan Thu, 17 Dec 2009 01:48:28 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3578 [...] Kidnapped by a parent in India | The Imagined Universe [...] [...] Kidnapped by a parent in India | The Imagined Universe [...]

]]> By: Keep it short – 15 minutes to bed | Parenting help in Nebraska http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3577 Keep it short – 15 minutes to bed | Parenting help in Nebraska Thu, 17 Dec 2009 00:05:58 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3577 [...] Kidnapped by a parent in India | The Imagined Universe [...] [...] Kidnapped by a parent in India | The Imagined Universe [...]

]]> By: lekhni http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3576 lekhni Wed, 16 Dec 2009 17:23:04 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3576 <i>Okay, I need to clarify that sentence. I was not referring to myself there, I was talking about the guy in the article. I guess I should have written that as “Looking at that guy as a dad who has been…”</i> I'm so glad to hear that. I wouldn't want anyone to be in that kind of situation :( Your 2nd point goes into the whole issue of arranged marriages. People marry after just one or two meetings (even when both of them are living in India) and yes, I too cannot see myself doing that :) But it seems to work for some, and anyway that, as you say, is a topic for another day. Okay, I need to clarify that sentence. I was not referring to myself there, I was talking about the guy in the article. I guess I should have written that as “Looking at that guy as a dad who has been…”

I’m so glad to hear that. I wouldn’t want anyone to be in that kind of situation :(

Your 2nd point goes into the whole issue of arranged marriages. People marry after just one or two meetings (even when both of them are living in India) and yes, I too cannot see myself doing that :) But it seems to work for some, and anyway that, as you say, is a topic for another day.

]]> By: lekhni http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3575 lekhni Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:56:43 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3575 Sure, but I wouldn't say that all estranged wives return to India because of mala fide intentions (though I'm sure that happens). Look at it this way - if she is a wife on a dependent (H4) visa, she doesn't have the money to hire an attorney to file a suit for custody, and she cannot live in the US after the divorce unless she finds work (and it's not easy to find an employer willing to sponsor you for an H1 B visa ). Her best option is to return to India. Sure, but I wouldn’t say that all estranged wives return to India because of mala fide intentions (though I’m sure that happens). Look at it this way – if she is a wife on a dependent (H4) visa, she doesn’t have the money to hire an attorney to file a suit for custody, and she cannot live in the US after the divorce unless she finds work (and it’s not easy to find an employer willing to sponsor you for an H1 B visa ). Her best option is to return to India.

]]> By: Nish http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3574 Nish Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:49:21 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3574 ## <i>As a dad who has been unfairly separated from his daughter I can see how he chose to risk the illegal route just to be back with his daughter</i> ## Okay, I need to clarify that sentence. I was not referring to myself there, I was talking about the guy in the article. I guess I should have written that as "Looking at that guy as a dad who has been..." Sorry about the ambiguity. ## <i>But I also wouldn’t say she married him only because he lived in the US</i> ## Yeah it was mostly conjecture on my part. But a huge number of "arranged" marriages occur where a young woman ends up marrying a guy who lives abroad (US, UK, Canada, Australia the most popular countries). By principle, I am against the concept of arranged marriages in general, but this particular form of it where the girl marries a guy who only gets to India a few days before the wedding is simply abominable in my opinion. (getting off topic here now - I will wait for you or the Indian Home Maker to blog about arranged weddings before I throw in more thoughts on that). ## As a dad who has been unfairly separated from his daughter I can see how he chose to risk the illegal route just to be back with his daughter ##

Okay, I need to clarify that sentence. I was not referring to myself there, I was talking about the guy in the article. I guess I should have written that as “Looking at that guy as a dad who has been…”

Sorry about the ambiguity.

## But I also wouldn’t say she married him only because he lived in the US ##

Yeah it was mostly conjecture on my part. But a huge number of “arranged” marriages occur where a young woman ends up marrying a guy who lives abroad (US, UK, Canada, Australia the most popular countries). By principle, I am against the concept of arranged marriages in general, but this particular form of it where the girl marries a guy who only gets to India a few days before the wedding is simply abominable in my opinion. (getting off topic here now – I will wait for you or the Indian Home Maker to blog about arranged weddings before I throw in more thoughts on that).

]]> By: lekhni http://elekhni.com/2009/12/kidnapped-by-a-parent-in-india/comment-page-1/#comment-3573 lekhni Wed, 16 Dec 2009 16:39:22 +0000 http://elekhni.com/?p=2054#comment-3573 No, Gus was the agent he hired to kidnap his daughter :) Hey, I'm really sorry about your situation - and yes, I can see how that would color your perception. But I've explained my thinking - it wasn't because I thought that men are more lilkely to be in the wrong, but this guy's actions were disquieting to me. Sure, I could be wrong, it's just my opinion and I don't know all the facts. But I also wouldn't say she married him only because he lived in the US :) No, Gus was the agent he hired to kidnap his daughter :)

Hey, I’m really sorry about your situation – and yes, I can see how that would color your perception. But I’ve explained my thinking – it wasn’t because I thought that men are more lilkely to be in the wrong, but this guy’s actions were disquieting to me. Sure, I could be wrong, it’s just my opinion and I don’t know all the facts.

But I also wouldn’t say she married him only because he lived in the US :)

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