No shred of evidence
Sep 24th, 2008 by lekhni
The innards of the paper shredder were lying in front of me. They seemed fine. All right, all right, I really would have no way of knowing if anything was malfunctioning. I couldn’t recognize a single part. But I was looking for broken wires, debris, black smoke or, as a wild guess, insects. There was a noticeable lack of any of these inside the shredder.
I screwed the cap back on and re-started the shredder. Nothing. The shredder still did not work. I adjusted the placement, I switched plug points, I tried shaking the shredder (that’s a high-tech maneuver, I will have you know) and nothing happened.
“It must have clogged up with paper”, R said. So I patiently removed every strip of paper I could see with a tweezer. The shredder now looked cleaner than it had ever been in its entire life.
Shredders have no gratitude, or at least this one doesn’t. It still didn’t utter a single sound.
I gave up. The shredder was dead. My research on the internet led to forums where people discussed how shredders like the model I had were great, but only lasted a few years. Our shredder was three years old. In shredder years, that was probably old age.
Weeks went by without a shredder and meanwhile, the junk mail was accumulating. So we decided to buy a new shredder, and a different model at that. The stores seemed to all have huge shredders - behemoths that promised to shred twenty sheets of paper in one go without reading even a single page. I disliked them intensely, they reminded me of magazine editors.
I came home to my faithful but dead shredder and decided to start one last resuscitation attempt. There were two miniscule, almost microscopic bits of paper attached to one end of the shredder, and I wanted to take them out too, hoping that would make the shredder start.
Reason told me this was a complete waste of time. The microscopic paper bits weren’t even blocking anything. But I pressed on anyway, and this time I grabbed a knife from the countertop.
The knife still had turmeric stains on it from a turmeric rhizome I had cut. I grimaced and considered washing it, before deciding it didn’t matter. This was only going to take a second anyway.
I scraped at the paper and the little bit came out. As I watched, a tiny flake of turmeric flew out from the knife and landed lazily on the shredder blades.
I placed the shredder cover back in place, and for some reason, I gave it a pat on its head.
The shredder started working.
I cannot believe it was those minute shards of paper. I cannot believe it was the pat - I’ve done worse to it during these last few weeks.
That leaves me with only one possible reason - it must have been the turmeric. We have heard of turmeric’s healing properties, but did you know it could heal shredders too ?
I know you are going to argue that it was those microscopic bits of paper. I refuse to believe that.
It must have been the turmeric.
Rajesh Kumar 
Mys Lyke Meeh 
Shrinidhi Hande 
wsw 
Amit 
km 
nits 
Billigflug 
Reema 
??! 
Meira 
purplesque 
tabula rasa 
Oh good. There’s an uncooperative incinerator under the kitchen sink…
Lekhni: Turmeric, of course !
Of course it was the turmeric. Good, now I know what to do when my printer gives me trouble.
Lekhni: Oh yes
You should dip a paper in turmeric solution and try printing it 
Or try dipping the cartridges in turmeric 
Absolutely. My CD burner’s misbehaving- better get it some haldi-choona poultice.
Congrats on a remarkable recovery thanks to good old desi treatment:)
Lekhni: Turmeric on CD drive? If your CD files had any viruses, did you know the turmeric will kill them all off too ?
Oh please, it conked in the first place because you didn’t put the ‘kaala-tikka’.
Lekhni: Quite possible
I am planning to buy a new plasma TV - where do you suggest I apply the kala tikka? I am thinking right in the middle, do you think that will banish the evil spirits? 
i give flying kisses to my comp all the time. it works.
but shredder…never! too much therapy to be got from tearing real letters by hand.
Lekhni: Oh, your computer is spoilt
I just threaten mine - that works too!
I get way too much junk mail for it to be therapy. If I tore them all by hand, I would need therapy - I mean, physiotherapy
I dont get so many hi-fi mails that need to be shredded. They go JLT into the dumpster. The kitchen sink wala shredder machine alwayd has problems.
I wonder how in other homes it shreds bones and other stuff but apne ghar mein veggies and rice it throws a fit!
kitchen sinks are racist!
Lekhni: No 0% APR loan offers? No “pre-approved” credit card offers from your bank? How lucky you are!
On the incinerator, avoid throwing coffee/ tea grounds. And turn the tap on while it runs. It will handle everything else - well, I’ve never had a problem despite all the junk I’ve thrown in it all these years.
Hi,
That was real funny. Talking about shredders, I was reminded of this joke:
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Listen,” said the CEO, “This is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?” “Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. “Excellent, excellent” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”
Cheers,
Salil
Lekhni: Good one! I pity the poor executive
Good! Will remember the turmeric treatment for future malfunctions!
Hail haldi! 
Lekhni: See, easy DIY repair without calling a service guy !
I think you should just buy Vicco Turmeric, nahin cosmetic la la la. Not only will it work, but it will also leave your shredder with a glowing complexion.
Lekhni: Good one
I am still laughing - and trying to imagine my shredder with a glowing complexion. Will it also glow at night then? If I applied Vicco Turmeric on my bedroom lightbulbs, can I use them as nightlamps? 
The Vicco Turmeric song brings back memories of their cheesy ads
(bowing down repeatedly to you)
Great post!yes yes, of course it is the turmeric + pat that cured it - thanks so much for writing about it, i was beginning to question my own sanity, since i ’speak’ to car/laptop/mixer grinder - at least when i need them the most - and it always works..:-) must try putting haldi-kumkum as well.
Dh thinks i am losing it when i tell him machines have a mind of their own .
Lekhni: Of course there is nothing wrong with your speaking to any appliance/ machine
That’s perfectly normal, and I do it all the time.
The trouble begins when they start talking back to you - that’s when you should run screaming from the room
I think its the pat.
When we get blamed, kicked in the bu.t.t we dont change. But when someone comes with a pat in the back we do change.
The shredder is an eyeopener.
Lekhni: You mean its mood improved after the pat in the back and it started working?
You are right, I have never praised it before or given it any recognition/ appreciation. What a bad boss I have been 
Excuse me while I go over to pat my shredder again
I bet it is the turmeric.
Could you please document the exact process in detail - the kind of knife used to cut the turmeric, how much of turmeric was left on it, which hand did you hold the knife in and the angle.
I don’t want to make any mistakes when I try this sure cure on my USB drive which has just stooped working.
Lekhni: I can see your problem. USB drives are tricky - they are so small and the angle makes it difficult. Since you want to make sure that it gets coated with turmeric, and knives may not really help (unless you really turn the knife in), I suggest that you pour a cupful of turmeric solution in water into your USB drive. That should cure it
I think it is the turmeric too! Hey I read this post a few days back and came to comment on it. But it wasn’t there. I guess you must have accidentally published and unpublished it. Very nice narration. I will apply the turmeric trick if my paper shredder goes belly up.
Lekhni: Oh yes, future posting gone berserk. Sorry about that.
You should definitely try the turmeric trick, I highly recommend it. It’s the best kest secret after the great Indian rope trick
ha…ha…ha… Healing property of turmeric… ROFL! too good, man!! Now i should try turmeric for a lot of things that wont start otherwise!!
Lekhni: Oh yes, so next your vehicle has problems starting in the morning, you know what to do
Nice discovery of the hidden powers of turmeric to cure the non-living things too… I’m hoping to try it on my computer!! Pray for me please.. because it belongs to office!
Lekhni: Perfect
Should always experiment with the office PC 
Don’t worry, if it belongs to the office, the insurance guys are already praying for it 
Of course, it’s the turmeric!!! Bits of paper/loads of paper/no paper wud never heal a shredder!
@Xylene
You’re back! Yey!
Lekhni: Exactly
Hope you didn’t scare the shredder by threatening to shread it…
That said, I want funding for studying the effects of turmeric on faulty instruments. Any investors?
Shredder, dustbin, feed-reader..you seem to have the gift of understanding inanimate objects
Definitely the turmeric!!!
Naah, I’m sure it was the golden touch. The interesting part, though, is that a shredder began working. You should be trying your hand at firecrackers that wouldn’t burst!!
BTW, I’m here for a reason. Can you please take a look at this:
http://sudiptachatterjee.blogspot.com/2008/09/wake-up-bloggers.html
and spread the word to your friends for this?