A Haiku tag
Jun 19th, 2008 by lekhni
I have been meaning to try writing Haiku verse for some time. In a tentative, will-it-bite way, I love Haiku, though I am not sure I can do any good with it. I am too verbose for Haiku, I can never use five syllables if five hundred would do the job instead.
But then, Shefaly came along and (perhaps not knowing how loquacious I am) tagged me with a lovely Haiku tag.
Here are the rules of the tag :
In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst movie you can think of. Bonus points if you have to show off your Google skills because you cant remember the name of it and all you can come up with is that it features Roz Russell and Sandra Dee. Turns out it was some tripe called Rosie! Exclamation point the producers idea, not mine.Auntie Mame leavings.
In seven syllables, no more, no less, describe your worst date. Bonus points if it was sordid. Subtract points if it sounds too much like an overweight fifteen year old Goth girl.He pushed my head down. I puked.
In five syllables, no more, no less, describe the worst job you ever had. Extra bonus points if it consists of Grim. Taxi dancer. Miss Janey, Im talking to you. I had a miserable spell where I sat all alone in an empty office, handing out the keys to various hell holes for rent around New Orleans. One Lady came back and complained there was no window in the kitchen, I pretended to sympathize and said something like Yes it would be nasty to have no light and air in there. She replied No, hone, you don unnerstan. Deres a hole for de winna but aint no winna in it. Slum lord in training.
Put it all together and you have a haiku of lifes low points.
I have a strong suspicion that the Miss Janey bit is not really part of the rules. I actually traced the tag back two rounds and it seems to start with a Miss Janey. But it’s entertaining, so I am leaving it in anyway. All you tagees are free to delete it.
Here is my attempt at haiku:
Worst movie ever (5 syllables): Aliens ooze slime.
Worst date ever (7 syllables): His jowls sank in the soup bowl.
Worst job ever (5 syllables): I slept on Sundays.
I see I also have to write a short explanation. Hopefully, the lines themselves give you some idea. Your imagination can fill in the blanks much better than any of my explanations. But here’s a little background :
The worst movie I’ve seen was undoubtedly Aliens, where I thought the depiction of the aliens was very disgusting and creepy. I had a hard time sitting through the movie, even with eyes shut at times.
The worst date? Well, the picture he had sent me had somehow managed to shave off some 40 lbs from his actual figure. I remember reading a description of a guy in some book that went “his jowls rested thankfully on his shoulders”. (I think this was P.G. Wodehouse describing a motion picture magnate, but I am not sure.) In this guy’s case, while his jowls were not actually resting on his shoulders, you could see they were aiming to retire there, and soon. 
The worst job - this was the time I frequently found myself waiting at the subway station well past midnight.
Now, whom to tag? I have put in a lot of thought into this (in fact, the tagging took way more time than the haiku). I would love to read your haikus…
Gawker (Hope this helps him fight the strong desire to write another towel guy post )
Haiku away!
Post edited to add: I should have said this before, but here goes - this tag is not restricted to the tagees alone. Perhaps I just tagged you, or I don’t know that you would be interested in haiku, or even that you lurk on my blog. If you are reading this, yes, I am talking to you. Please skip over to the comments section, and just haiku! 
Rajesh Kumar 
Mys Lyke Meeh 
Shrinidhi Hande 
wsw 
Amit 
km 
nits 
Billigflug 
Reema 
??! 
Meira 
purplesque 
tabula rasa 
Lekhni, you make me want to find that poem in full “Lekhni batla ki ab phir kaun Tulsi aa raha hai”.. Not that Tulsi would write Haiku.
And agree about not using 5 syllables where 500 words would suffice. It will be fun for us to meet
I am accused of talking a lot…
Good tag, esp. bcos its a short one, can we omit the explanations though :).
This is not fair, I do have a Gravatar, I donno why d hell did it assign me one of those random creepy faces
Shefaly: You should! I am very curious about that poem, and Tulsi.. I love the idea of meeting you too, and I can imagine exactly how that would be
Maybe sometime when I come to your side of the pond..
Maverick: I am completely in favor of doing away with the explanations. It seems to take out some of the fun of imagination. But what was your reason for suggesting that? Did you find my explanations boring?
Is your Gravatar email id the same as the one you used to comment? It won’t work if it’s different..
can i have multiple haiku for bad movies, dates, and jobs ? problem will be choosing which one qualifies rather than actually writing i suspect!
and yes, why do i always get a thingummy which looks like a constipated tomato walking like an egyptian?
A Cynic in Wonderland: The more the merrier, I’d say. If you can write multiple haikus, go ahead! If you’d also rather skip the explanations, that’s fine too, except, just tell us which movie it is.
The thingummy - that’s what WordPress thinks you look like
Okay, on a more serious note, it’s a monsterid which bases its shape on your email id and some obscure algorithm, which means there is nothing I can do to change its shape. What you can do is register for a gravatar (it’s fast and painless) and use the same email id, then you will always get to see your own icon, and your icon will be visible on all WordPress-powered blogs.
Aliens is my favorite movie. James Cameron. But I agree with the slime and gore part. The first time I saw it I was terrified.
40 lbs. wow! must be quite an old photo.
Hawkeye: I am so glad to hear you say that. My companion just couldn’t understand why I couldn’t bear to watch this very entertaining movie, or why I was so upset. I was convinced I was just a wimp
The photo could not have been very old either (not more than a couple of years) which was what made it even more shocking. In hindsight, it all makes sense - after b-school, he became a (securities) trader. That explains it all.
Digress:
Remember you had posted a comment on a story about an Indian student getting a perfect score and making into MIT? Guess what! He commented on that article as well. Check it out -
http://www.techbanyan.com/archives/334
Hahaha, I really enjoyed reading this post!
Tarun: Maybe you should ask him to stop Googling his own name and start studying then
Shyam: Thanks!
TAG completed!
A Cynic in Wonderland: Thanks! Nice haikus. And you are the first to finish it. Everyone else is pretending they never read my blog